Tears of a Human
by LuckyLadybug
Summary: Post-series, my Pendulum Swings verse. Nesbitt of the Big 5 now wants to be human, rather than believing being a machine would be better. But he is discouraged again after another argument with Lector, and Yami Marik decides it's the perfect opportunity to cause more chaos and misery by brainwashing Nesbitt into believing he's an android and setting him out to duel Lector.


**Yu-Gi-Oh!**

**Tears of a Human**

**By Lucky_Ladybug**

**Notes: The characters are not mine and the story is! This takes place deeply in my **_**Pendulum Swings**_** post-series YGO verse, which redeems the Big Five, so if anything sounds confusing, it's probably because it was developed during the course of the other stories in the verse. I wrote partially using the 31 Days prompt from April 26th, 2019: **_**Where is the blood I gave you.**_** I am using it symbolically rather than literally in any form. Thanks to all the friends who provided thoughts and ideas on different ways this story could go!**

Nesbitt snarled to himself as he sat down on a park bench in Domino Park that night. In spite of his and Lector's best efforts, they were still having problems understanding each other and arguing. He had just come from yet another disagreement. It hadn't been as bad as the cruelest ones, but it had been worse than a little spat.

"What is wrong with me?" he muttered, leaning forward and covering his eyes with a hand. "All of my kendo training . . . my personal resolve . . . none of it means anything! I'm still hurting people. My best friend . . ."

"Oh, so you think that just because you don't want to hurt him, you won't?" a familiar, deep voice mocked.

Nesbitt spun around. A spiky-haired silhouette was standing in the shadows right near him. "What do you want?!"

Yami Marik stepped forward, his expression twisted in a grotesque sneer. "The fallacy of humanity is that they will always hurt each other. They can't stop themselves; it's in their nature."

Nesbitt snarled and looked away. He had said that very thing on more than one occasion. This thing was throwing his argument in favor of machines right back at him.

". . . If that were really true, all five of us would be hurting each other all the time," he said at last. "It's only me. There's something wrong with _me._"

"I can fix it for you." Yami Marik came closer in sick delight.

"Fix it?!" Nesbitt straightened. "You never fix anything! All you do is make everything worse!" He got to his feet. "It was because of you that I struck Lector down with a brainwashed Satellite Cannon!"

"And you've never been the same since," Yami Marik said. "I broke you that day."

"So just get away from me!" Nesbitt snapped.

"If you won't come quietly, I will simply force my will on you," Yami Marik replied. He advanced, reaching out a hand towards Nesbitt's head.

"No!" Nesbitt leaped away, the terror building in his veins. He knew it wasn't likely he could ever outfox something that wasn't even human, but he would never willingly give in to anything Yami Marik wanted. He had to try; he couldn't risk hurting Lector or any of the others again!

For a while his kendo training kept him moving and dodging and even landing a few good blows once he grabbed a fallen branch to use as a makeshift bokken. But it was only when Yami Marik suddenly fell out of a tree right on top of him that he realized the demon had very likely let Nesbitt get ahead to lull him into a false sense of security. Now he was caught.

He still wasn't about to give up without a fight. "Get off!" he demanded, desperately squirming and struggling. His arms flailed behind him as he tried to grasp Yami Marik and push him away.

Yami Marik held fast, straddling Nesbitt in the middle of his back. "Just settle down," he sneered. "Settle down and behave, like a good little android." Without warning he took hold of Nesbitt's head and held him down in the grass, pouring his will and his corrupted, cruel thoughts through his fingertips into Nesbitt's brain. After a moment the man stopped struggling.

"Yes," Yami Marik whispered. "You're not human. You've never been human. You're my robot and you will do exactly as I say." He climbed off of Nesbitt and stood watching, arms folded.

Slowly Nesbitt pushed himself to his knees and then to his feet. "Yes, Master," he said in a flat monotone. His eyes were dead and cold.

Yami Marik threw back his head and laughed.

xxxx

The Big Five were at Lector's house that night. Lector was still angry and frustrated about the problem with Nesbitt, but he was gradually cooling off as time went on. There had been so many times like this, recovering from one argument or another, that he was largely used to it by now. That didn't mean, however, that he liked it any better than he had when they had first met. He really wished it could just stop, or at least decrease in frequency. That surely wasn't too much to ask.

He looked over his shoulder at the clock. Nesbitt had really been gone a long time. Part of him said that Nesbitt was an adult and there was no real reason to worry. The other part said that combined with Nesbitt's impulsive behavior and the amount of trouble they all got into, it was something to worry about.

He imagined that side of him would win out.

Crump peeked into the living room. "The fireworks are over, right?"

"That's not funny." Lector massaged his temples with his thumb and forefinger.

"No, it's not." Crump came in and sat down next to Lector at the table. "Are you still ticked off?"

Lector wearily let his hand drop back to the table. "A little. I just don't understand why this keeps happening. Even resolving to improve ourselves doesn't fix it."

"Hey, you guys have such different views on everything and you're both stubborn. Neither of those things are gonna change any time soon."

"Yes, but what I've started to wonder is just how much of what goes wrong is even Nesbitt's fault," Lector said. "Maybe most of it is mine." He looked down sadly at the table.

"Oh Buddy. . . ." Crump reached and laid his hand on Lector's. "I really think in a case like this, both of you are equally at fault. It's not slanted one way or the other." He lowered his voice and added, "And when you have the worst problems, it's usually Nesbitt who's more at fault than you. You're usually the one getting put-upon."

"How can you be so sure?" Lector frowned. "What if I don't listen to Nesbitt's side of things? And I usually end up calling him a fool. . . ."

"Is it an insult if it's true?" Crump cracked.

Lector stared at him in surprise and perhaps even a bit of dismay. At the moment, he really wanted to be told he was wrong, rather than that he was right. That would only confuse him all the more. "Crump . . ."

"Hey, you know I care about Nesbitt," Crump said. "He's one of us and things wouldn't be the same without him. But he is impulsive and reckless and . . . well, honestly, he can be an idiot."

Lector sighed and shook his head. "I know. . . ."

"But . . ." Crump cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I can be an idiot too, sometimes," he all but mumbled.

Again Lector looked surprised. "I didn't think you'd say that about yourself."

A shrug. "I don't, usually. . . . I just wanted to show I'm not trying to pick on Nesbitt; I'm just trying to tell it like it is." Crump gave Lector a pleading look. "And Lector, how it is, is that you _do_ listen to Nesbitt's side of things. He's usually the one who won't listen to you, or anybody else either! Yeah, you both mess up, but you're both trying. It's not like years of problems are gonna fix themselves up overnight just because you both wanna try harder."

"There should be _some_ improvement," Lector sighed. "If anything, maybe things are only getting worse. This wasn't a little spat."

"It wasn't one of the really heartwrenching blow-ups either," Crump countered.

"Those only happen when things are really going wrong around us, like one of the group being badly hurt or thought dead." Lector pushed back from the table. "Nesbitt's been gone too long. I'm going to look for him."

"Let us know if you can't find him and we'll all join in," Crump said.

"Thank you," Lector said quietly.

xxxx

Lector didn't have far to search. He had only driven to the end of the long block when he saw a lone figure standing on the curb and watching him. It looked like Nesbitt, so he pulled over to the side of the road and leaned out the window. "Nesbitt?"

The man stepped under the light of the streetlamp. It was definitely Nesbitt, but the look he was giving Lector was inhuman.

Lector's blood ran cold. He got out of the car and walked over to his friend. "Nesbitt, I'm sorry," he pleaded. "It's late. Come back to the house."

"Negative," Nesbitt responded. He held up his left arm. He was wearing a Duel Disk.

"Nesbitt?!" Lector stared at him. Nesbitt didn't usually duel. He certainly wasn't in the habit of dueling for no reason. And his machine-like response to Lector. . . . Lector had only heard him talk like that when he pretended to be a machine.

Lector took a horrified step back. "Is this my fault?" he whispered. "Did I upset you so badly that you decided you didn't want to be human after all?"

"Silence, human," Nesbitt snapped. "Retrieve your Duel Disk and your deck and engage in battle with me!"

Hurt and heartbreak filled Lector's eyes. "Nesbitt . . . don't you even know me?!"

"Affirmative. Démas Lector. Now duel me!" Nesbitt's heartless gaze bored into Lector's.

"You know me, but . . . I mean nothing to you?" Lector stared at him. "The argument we had couldn't have been that serious! Something else has to be going on here!" He went to the car and took his Duel Disk out of the trunk. Ever since they had been charged with protecting the world, they had all taken to carrying them around just in case. His deck was in his coat pocket, and he took it out to place it in the slot once he had the Duel Disk on his arm.

"Believe what you wish, human," Nesbitt said. "I will go first." He drew his cards.

"I know you, Nesbitt," Lector retorted. "You only ever pretended to be a robot when you finally snapped from tremendous pain." Still . . . what if their argument had been the straw that broke the camel's back, even though in and of itself it hadn't been that serious? He swallowed hard. He didn't want to believe that. If he had caused Nesbitt to become like this . . . he wasn't sure he could live with himself. He had never been able to deal with the knowledge of being responsible for permanently damaging or leading anyone to their deaths. He had always locked it away before, until circumstances forced him to take it out and look at it and accept it. But this, when it was right in front of him . . . he could never lock it away. To lose his dear friend . . . he would lose himself as well.

Only . . . how could he do that to the others? If Gansley, Crump, and Johnson lost one of them it would be horrible enough. But if they lost two. . . . He trembled as he drew his cards and looked at his opening hand. He felt so weak. He didn't know how he would ever recover from causing this to happen to Nesbitt, no matter how he tried to pull himself together for the others' sakes.

"I am not pretending," Nesbitt cut into his thoughts. "I have never been anything other than an android, a perfect machine."

"You wanted to be human!" Lector burst out. "Don't you remember, Nesbitt?! Did you really flip back to your old ways so quickly?!"

"I don't know what ways you mean," Nesbitt countered. "My turn is over; make your move."

Lector slammed two cards facedown, including one monster card. "And what happens if one of us loses, Nesbitt? What is the purpose of this duel?!"

"To prove the superiority of machines and the weaknesses of humans," Nesbitt said.

"I use Machine cards too," Lector reminded him. "That's why we make such a good tag team!"

"But you are a weak human," Nesbitt said as he drew his card. He looked at it, then placed it on the field in attack mode. "Just look at how you're falling apart when our duel has only barely begun. A machine would never display such behavior. A machine would be malfunctioning if it acted like you."

"It would have emotions and feelings," Lector said. "Just like you do, Nesbitt. I know you can't have forgotten."

"Gradius, attack!" Nesbitt ordered.

The fighter plane soared towards Lector's facedown monster.

Lector clenched his teeth. "You're destroying yourself; my card is Cyber Jar."

Nesbitt was completely unfazed. "That was why I used one of my weaker cards first, just in case that was your card. I have analyzed your deck and your strategies." He drew his new hand and summoned Mechanicalchaser. "Now you have allowed me to summon one of my most powerful machines."

"That goes both ways." Lector placed The Unhappy Girl on the field.

"That card will still deliver lifepoint damage to you, even though it can't be destroyed when in face-up attack position," Nesbitt said.

"But it will also render any monster that attacks it unable to attack anything again," Lector said. "That's worth a little lifepoint damage."

"Even if I equip 7 Completed and Power of the Guardians to Mechanicalchaser?" Nesbitt replied. "That will deliver over 3000 points of damage to you. On my next turn, I can draw and summon another Machine, attack your Unhappy Girl with both, and bring your lifepoints down to zero."

"Go ahead and try it," Lector told him.

"For you to be that confident, your facedown card must be something damaging," Nesbitt intoned. "Imperial Order, perhaps? Not that you could afford giving up 700 lifepoints per turn. Hmm. Just in case, I won't equip Power of the Guardians for now. I still have enough attack power to deliver over 2500 points of damage on my next turn."

Lector drew a card and frowned. "I choose to do nothing more this turn."

"You will regret that," Nesbitt said. He drew a card and studied it.

"It seems you're having trouble making up your mind," Lector said.

"It's not another monster," Nesbitt said. "But that's not a problem. Mechanicalchaser, attack!"

Lector turned over his facedown card. "Enchanted Javelin. Your attack still goes through, so your monster is immobilized, but I gain lifepoints equivalent to your monster's attack points."

"Very clever, human," Nesbitt grunted. "It's almost a shame that on my next turn I have something worse waiting for you."

"Nesbitt, what happened to you?!" Lector burst out. "If this isn't because of me, then what?!" His heart thumped wildly in his chest. This was like a cruel combination of two different horrors—when Nesbitt had pretended to be a robot because he couldn't take the grief of thinking Lector was dead and when he had demanded a duel while under mind-control.

Lector's eyes widened. "Nesbitt, are you being mind-controlled?! Are you not even operating under your own power right now?!"

"I am completely under my own power," Nesbitt said.

"Only if you're a machine, you can't be," Lector pointed out. "A machine has a master. Who's your master, Nesbitt?"

For a split-second Nesbitt looked flustered, his eyes darting from side to side. "I am not authorized to give out that information," he said at last.

"Then you do have a master," Lector pounced. "Dr. Portman is finally back in the mental institution, but it could be one of her students having drugged you." He frowned. "However, you act far too alert to be under the influence of a drug. Is Yami Marik doing this?!"

"Silence, human. Make your move, so I can proceed to show you why machines are superior to you in every way."

"Very well." Lector drew his card and studied his hand. "I lay another card facedown and play Fire Princess in attack mode."

"Fire Princess decreases the opponent's lifepoints whenever the card holder increases his lifepoints," Nesbitt intoned. "Your facedown card is Solemn Wishes. Your strategy is useless. On my turn I will sacrifice Mechanicalchaser and summon a monster that will immediately decimate your Fire Princess."

"I lay two other cards facedown and end my turn," Lector replied. "Give me your best effort."

"You will regret not destroying my Mechanicalchaser," Nesbitt said. "I sacrifice it to summon Machine King, and I equip Power of the Guardians to him. With every attack, it will increase his power by 500 points. Now, Machine King, attack Fire Princess."

"I play Ring of Magnetism!" Lector turned over one of his three facedown cards. "I equip this card to The Unhappy Girl. Now you can only attack her!"

Nesbitt didn't even blink. "But since Ring of Magnetism lowers your weak card's attack points to zero, your lifepoints decrease by 2800 when I attack!"

"Not exactly. Nutrient Z!" Lector turned over his second facedown card. "Your attack still goes through, but once again my lifepoints increase above what they were before."

Nesbitt grunted. "You play well, human."

"That would mean more to me if it was truly Robert Nesbitt saying it," Lector said. "Before you end your turn, I reveal my third facedown card. You were right—it's Solemn Wishes."

"You won't have cards to hold off my attacks' effects on your lifepoints forever," Nesbitt said. "I will still bring you down to zero with your Unhappy Girl before your Fire Princess removes all of my lifepoints."

Lector drew his next card. "I'm afraid not. This next card, Spirit Barrier, prevents me from losing any lifepoints as long as I have a monster on the field."

"I see." Nesbitt studied the scene before them. "So we have reached a stalemate."

"Unless you can draw something to remove any key part of my strategy, then yes," Lector said. "For the moment I have completely locked you down, forced to lose lifepoints every time I draw and unable to do anything to successfully counterattack. And I end my turn."

"Impressive." Nesbitt drew his next card. "I have nothing yet, but I am programmed to defeat you. I will not give up."

"Who programmed you, Nesbitt?" Lector demanded. "Who wants you to defeat me?"

"That is unauthorized information. I will not reveal it," Nesbitt replied. He paused. "What did you mean when you said my compliment would mean more if Robert Nesbitt truly said it?"

"Robert Nesbitt is my dear, dear friend," Lector said. "We started out not liking each other at all, but we became close enough to consider each other like brothers. I would give my life for him . . . only I would hate to do that because he would never get over it."

"He would be that illogical?" Nesbitt said. "If you gave your life for him, obviously you did it so he would live. If he did not take that chance, it would make your sacrifice in vain."

"Yes, but humans can't always see things in a logical manner like that," Lector said. "Especially not if they love each other so deeply that they can't imagine going on without each other."

"What if the situation were reversed?" Nesbitt asked. "What if Robert Nesbitt gave his life for you?"

"Then my heart would be irreparably broken," Lector said. "I would try to go on because we have other loved ones as well, but I would never be the same and there would always be that hole in my life and my heart where Nesbitt was."

"Why do you love him so much?" Nesbitt persisted. "And why does he love you?"

"Because we have been to Hell and back and only our caring for each other and the others has pulled us through," Lector said. "We have weathered everything together. And I will not believe that whatever caused this situation will pull us apart now!"

"Then you are a fool," Nesbitt said. "Robert Nesbitt is gone."

"And who are you now, Nesbitt?" Lector countered. "What cold, heartless being have you become?"

"I am . . . I am . . ." Nesbitt's hand was starting to shake. "I am programmed to defeat you! . . . I . . . I . . . system error! . . . I . . ." He reached up, gripping at his forehead. But in a moment it passed and he was standing emotionlessly again.

Lector's heart clenched. "Nesbitt . . . I can't believe I've lost you for good. As a machine, you don't have any concept of love."

"A ridiculous and pointless emotion," Nesbitt said.

"You can't understand the love I and the others have for you," Lector continued. "And . . . you can't love us either. You can't love _me._"

Now Nesbitt was silent. The streetlamp above them shone down on one crystalline drop falling from Nesbitt's eye and trailing down his face.

Lector's heart was pierced. "Nesbitt . . . !" He ran across the field and over to the man who was still standing robotically. That tear had bespoken the truth. "Nesbitt, you _are_ still in there! You have to fight this! I don't understand what happened, but I know what I need to know." He gripped Nesbitt's shoulders. "I know my dear friend is not gone."

Nesbitt stood there, not moving, his expression not changing. But the teardrop slid off his face and onto Lector's hand.

Suddenly he came to life, gripping at Lector's wrists as he sank to his knees. "Help me!" he choked out. "Oh God, help me. . . ."

Lector fell down with him. "Nesbitt, you can fight it! I'll be right here with you all along the way, but you have to take control of your body again all on your own!"

"I . . . can't," Nesbitt choked out.

"Of course you can!" Lector countered. He gripped tighter. "Robert Nesbitt is not a quitter! And neither am I!"

Nesbitt clutched Lector's wrists so tightly it started to downright hurt. Lector gritted his teeth and let him. If anything was helping him regain control, then Lector had to allow it.

The pressure eased. Surprised, Lector looked down. Nesbitt had switched to clutching Lector's sleeves instead.

"You don't want to hurt me," Lector realized. "You might not have considered that in the past, but you do now. A machine wouldn't ever think about that. You're human, Nesbitt. You're all human!"

Nesbitt screamed. The pain was exploding through his mind and all throughout his body. But he had to fight it. He couldn't let Lector be hurt anymore by whatever was doing this to him . . . to them, really, because Nesbitt couldn't suffer without Lector suffering too.

Without warning Nesbitt fell forward against Lector. His hands slipped free from Lector's sleeves and landed on Lector's lap. Cards spilled out of his deck and over the grass and sidewalk.

"Nesbitt?!" Lector pushed him back to look into his flushed face and closed eyes. "Nesbitt, are you alright?!" In horror he pressed his fingers against Nesbitt's neck. "Oh please, God, no. . . ."

Nesbitt's eyes fluttered. "Please . . . forgive me," he whispered. "Please. . . ."

Lector brought him close again in immense relief. "You didn't do anything that needs forgiveness," he said. "It wasn't your fault."

After a moment Nesbitt clutched at Lector, a shudder wracking his body. "Everything I said . . . and did. . . ."

"It wasn't you," Lector insisted. "It was only you when you started to cry in despair and try so hard to break free."

". . . It was Yami Marik," Nesbitt snarled. "He did that to me. I tried so hard to fight him off, but in the end he overpowered me." He looked up at Lector. "I didn't want this!"

"Of course you didn't," Lector frowned.

"I mean . . . that one time I deliberately made myself act like a machine," Nesbitt said. "This time I didn't. I wasn't even considering it!" He drew a shaking breath. "The thought of being a machine . . . it actually scares me now. Yami Marik took advantage of that. I want to be human, Lector! I never thought I'd say it, but I want to be human!"

"And you are, Nesbitt," Lector said. He reached down to collect Nesbitt's fallen cards. "I promise you, you are."

"At first the brainwashing was so strong that I honestly believed I was a machine," Nesbitt said in horror. "But the more you tried to get through to me, the more I started to remember who I am. And even as I remembered, I was helpless to do anything about it! I tried to speak, but my body was acting on its own, saying what Yami Marik wanted me to say."

"But you still found a way to get through to me and let me know," Lector said. His eyes flashed. "That demon is going to pay someday for everything he's done to us. I still haven't forgiven him for mind-controlling you in the winter, and now I have something else to hate him for."

Nesbitt looked away. "So I _could_ be mind-controlled again," he snarled. "I really am weak."

"Brainwashing isn't the same thing as mind-control," Lector retorted. "And you showed you were strong by breaking through it! Your mental strength is higher now than it was before. When you were mind-controlled, the only thing that fully broke through it was hurting me. This time, you forced your way to the surface before anyone got hurt! Not to mention that from what you said, it sounded like you really weren't going to hurt me. It wasn't a Shadow Game or another dangerous duel. Even under brainwashing, you couldn't be made to put me in danger."

"I still hurt you emotionally," Nesbitt objected. ". . . But you're right." He frowned, pondering. "That creature ordered me to seek you out and challenge you to a duel. And he told me to mess with the Duel Disks again and take off the safeties, like he did through me when he mind-controlled me. But I don't remember doing that tonight. . . ."

"You didn't," Lector assured him. "When you took some of my lifepoints, it didn't hurt."

Nesbitt looked down, suddenly overwhelmed. "I really did rebel, even while I was so brainwashed I believed I wasn't alive. . . ."

"You are very strong," Lector insisted.

Nesbitt was silent, running it all over in his mind. Then he started with another realization. The duel was still active. He placed his hand on the rest of his deck. "Oh . . . and I surrender. I didn't instigate this duel in my right mind or want it. And I didn't have anything that could have dismantled your strategy. You really do play well, Lector. And that's really me saying it this time."

The dueling holograms disappeared. Lector smiled as he placed the retrieved cards in Nesbitt's deck and got to his feet. "Thank you. Maybe sometime we can duel on our own terms and when we want to do it." He reached out a hand to help Nesbitt up.

Nesbitt looked at it for a moment, stunned. Then he shakily placed his hand on Lector's and stood. "I . . . I'd like that," he said.

"For now, let's go home," Lector said. "The others are probably starting to worry."

Nesbitt nodded. ". . . About the argument we were having . . . I'm sorry. . . ."

"I know," Lector said. "So am I." He drew an arm around Nesbitt's shoulders. "Let's let that be the end of it, alright?"

". . . Yeah." Nesbitt let Lector steer him to the car. ". . . I still wonder how I can be loved so much. . . . I feel like there has to be something wrong with me that I keep causing so much trouble."

"There's not," Lector insisted. "We see the good in you that you are still having trouble seeing yourself. And I pray that someday, you will see it too."

"I hope I will," Nesbitt said as he got into the car.

xxxx

Gansley, Crump, and Johnson were all sitting at Lector's living room table when they got back. All three looked up with collective relief in their eyes.

"We were just talking about going to look for you," Gansley said. "Neither of you have been answering your phones!"

Lector looked down at his in chagrin. "I am so sorry. I'm afraid things became very complicated."

"Why? What happened?!" Crump demanded.

"That demon brainwashed me into thinking I was a machine and sent me out to duel Lector," Nesbitt growled.

Now the collective look was shock, followed by anger.

"But you're alright now?!" Johnson exclaimed.

Nesbitt looked up at Lector. "Yeah," he said.

"We're both alright now," Lector added with a smile.


End file.
